


:Reboot

by nofaceghoul



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Dehumanization, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Emotional Manipulation, Extremely Dubious Consent, Eye Trauma, M/M, Manipulation, Medical Torture, Mindwiping, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:58:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5238779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nofaceghoul/pseuds/nofaceghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You keep saying that name.” A croak from Kaneki’s lips. He sat up slowly, giving a wince when his side twinged where Arima kicked him. He had accepted that, at least for the moment, escape was unattainable. Arima’s intentions didn’t seem to be to kill him. For the moment. Until then Kaneki would just have to get some answers.</p>
<p>Post V14 but before :Re, how did Kaneki Ken become Sasaki Haise?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be really really awful. I'm saying straight up, there's no happy ending here. I've started off pretty mellow but it's only going to get worse, I hope you're prepared for that.

It was dark when Kaneki came to. Dark when he opened his eyes. When the foggy confusion of unconsciousness finally cleared from his brain, panic quickly replaced it with the thrumming of his heart. Where was he? It was cold. Why couldn’t he see? His eyes were open, weren’t they? The half ghoul shakily lifted a hand to feel at his face. No cloth to obstruct his vision but…? He cautiously probed his index finger a little more towards where there should be the soft give of the mucosa of his eyeball. Should be. Panic rose in Kaneki again and to his horror his finger searches, pressing back further and oh god there should be an eye there should be should be—  


“You shouldn’t do that Haise, you’ll hurt yourself again.”  


A voice. Familiar and yet not familiar and Kaneki paused in his desperate scrambling at his eye sockets, trying to place that voice. Where had he been before this darkness? There was the raid, he remembers, the raid and fighting and hurt he was hurt bleeding torn open and then Hide—  


Hide—  


the sewers—  


blood so much blood—  


CCG’s Reaper.  


The last thing Kaneki remembered before this was fighting Arima Kishou and then pain so much pain he couldn’t see his head was full of searing pain it hurt it hurt _it hurt._  


Footsteps, strong and steady, came towards the blind half ghoul and he stiffened, crouching in a low defensive position to face the sound. The footsteps stop a few feet from Kaneki. A soft chuckle, barely able to be heard unless your ears were straining for every possible sound. “I have no intentions to hurt you Haise, that’s not what I want to do. I don’t want it to have to come to that. You can be a good boy can’t you?”  


It’s then that Kaneki realized Arima was addressing him, was calling him…what was that? “That…isn’t my name,” he said slowly, a bit confused and still a little scared of this whole situation. You can figure this out, he thinks to himself. Keep calm, you can’t see but you can hear and maybe if you—  


A hard slap to the face. It actually stung, made Kaneki gasp in shock at the sudden bloom of pain across his cheek. He hadn’t heard Arima move, he wasn’t quick enough. How was Arima so fast? “Your name is Sasaki Haise.” That voice that before had held the subtlest warmth to it now was colder than ice. Kaneki was stunned to silence, couldn’t even move.  


“My name is Kaneki Ken.” A kick, this time to Kaneki’s side, and the half ghoul let out a harsh cough as he struggled for air, his arms coming to wrap around his midsection to protect it. It’s at this point he would pull out his kagune, try to retaliate but it won’t come. He felt a slight pressure in his lower back but that’s it, nothing. It’s then that Kaneki really starts to let himself panic, the blood rushing in his ears. What happened while he was unconscious?  


“We put you on rc suppressants before you woke up. You won’t be able to use your kagune.” As though Arima had read his mind, Kaneki’s suspicions were confirmed. “It’s for your own good Haise, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”  


“You keep saying that name.” A croak from Kaneki’s lips. He sat up slowly, giving a wince when his side twinged where Arima kicked him. He had accepted that, at least for the moment, escape was unattainable. Arima’s intentions didn’t seem to be to kill him. For the moment. Until then Kaneki would just have to get some answers.  


“That’s because that is your name, Sasaki Haise.” Gentle affirmation, repetition. Haise. Sasaki Haise. Kaneki got an uneasy feeling from this repetition. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he wanted to deny it, say no, my name is Kaneki Ken I am Kaneki Ken. But he also didn’t want to get hit again. Kaneki Ken stayed silent and that almost felt worse, felt like without denying the false name the weight of the words lay undisturbed in the air, nothing to take away their weight. Silence was just as bad as agreeing.  


Even with that realization, he said nothing. Arima didn’t say anything either for awhile before finally, “It’s good to see you awake, Haise. Hopefully soon you will be healed enough to go back to work.” The sudden words after what felt like such a long silence made Arima sound too loud though he was so soft spoken. It still hurt Kaneki’s head.  


“Work?”  


There were footsteps again, moving away from him this time. Kaneki let himself relax a little. “Yes, work. You’re a CCG investigator, Sasaki Haise.”  


There was the sound of a heavy door opening and closing. And then silence.


	2. Chapter 2

Days went by mostly uninterrupted, nothing but his own thoughts to entertain him. Kaneki slept a lot. It was a restless, sometimes fitful sleep full of jumbled blurry images and too many words to make out what was being said. He always woke with an ache in his head, but he wasn’t sure if that was from the strange nightmarish dreams or his suppressed RC cells sluggishly repairing his eyes. Perhaps both.

Slowly, his eyesight was returning to him. At the moment, all Kaneki could see were the vaguest blurs of shapes, but most of all it was a relief to wake up with eyes in his head and an end to the blind blackness he’d been living in for who knew how long.

Arima’s visits were both anticipated and dreaded. He would come, and no doubt with him would be pain, as that was always what followed when Kaneki denied this identity being placed upon him. But it was at least some sort of human interaction, so in a sick way Kaneki kind of enjoyed the little visits.

“Your eyes are back. Is your sight returning as well?” Arima asked.

Kaneki could only see the vaguest shape of the man as he stood in the doorway. Even then it was difficult to see him since he was wearing all white, and the room the half ghoul was staying in was a bright room with white walls, scant of furniture. It made Kaneki’s head hurt to have his eyes open trying to focus on seeing for too long. He squinted. That didn’t help. “Sort of,” he replied.

“That’s good.”

Kaneki closed his eyes. Resting them would be better, he decided. Maybe they would heal faster, and then he could make a better effort to escape this place and return to—

Return to…?

Where?

A lump of anxiety formed in Kaneki’s throat. He remembered…the raid. The fighting. But…why was he fighting? And who was he fighting for? He was protecting something, he knew that much. And he was fighting Arima, he fought him, this man here asking about his wellbeing, he tried to kill him didn’t he?

“Haise?”

_Kill him—_

“Haise, what’s wrong?” Kaneki hadn’t realized he was hyperventilating, but Arima’s words jolted him half out of his thoughts.

“I’m Kaneki Ken.” He says it more as a benefit for himself than out of defiance to Arima. He curls up, shaky fingers gripping at pale strands of hair. He expected pain to come the moment he said his name, but none came. Arima was silent, seemed to be thinking and observing but Kaneki isn’t too focused on the investigator right now. He’s having a hard enough time trying to stay in his own head.

“Haise,” Arima repeated calmly, firmly, “what is it?”

“I don’t remember,” Kaneki said shakily. Was he responding to Arima? Was he even aware Arima had spoken? Where was everything in his head? “I, I’m trying to think, to. Think. Have to. I was protecting what who was I? Who am I?” _Protecting?_ “Hide?” The name brought the taste of blood to the back of Kaneki’s tongue and he desperately tried to control his breathing.

And suddenly he was enveloped in a pair of strong arms. The action shocked Kaneki, but brought him back down and grounded him a little more firmly in reality. In the now. Now? _It’s Arima._

“Take your time, Haise,” Arima said softly. There was a hand in his hair gently petting his head, trying to soothe him. Somehow it was working. Kaneki hadn’t felt a positive touch in so long and he practically leaned into it, breaths slowly evening out. “You suffered a traumatic event, survived incredible head trauma. Everyone is surprised you’re even alive now, it’s no wonder you’ve forgotten some things.”

Yes, that was right, wasn’t it? His eyes. Useless blind things. But they were healing, it was slow but they were…maybe he would remember what he’d forgotten then?

“I want to help you. Why don’t you tell me what you remember?” Arima’s voice was so soft, so gentle, such a lulling sweet sound that Kaneki had almost forgotten that he was supposed to be on guard against this man, this man who tried to kill him it was his fault he was like this blind his eyes spike slipped through his head his eye pop his head going through—

But he was being so nice right now, and just the small contact, this gentle embrace with the soothing fingers running through his hair, would it be so awful to enjoy the attention while he could? Kaneki was an affection-starved man. Though affection starved or not, he was still suspicious of the investigator in the back of his mind.

“Why should I believe you want to help me?” Part of Kaneki was afraid that the small defiance would make Arima stop petting his hair. Part of Kaneki was disgusted with himself.

“Why wouldn’t I want to help you? Sasaki Haise, as your mentor it is my duty and responsibility.” That name again. Always that name.

Kaneki hesitated. Maybe if he told Arima what he remembered, he could find more things out? Maybe remember more? The last thing the half ghoul remembered was Arima after all, so the investigator had to know something, right?

“I remember…my name. I remember there was a raid, and I was fighting to protect something. I remember…” Kaneki wouldn’t go on after that. He wasn’t sure he wanted Arima to know that he remembered the fight in V14, and that Arima tried to kill him. He didn’t think he wanted Arima knowing about Hide either. It was good to conceal at least one little bit of information, the half ghoul thought.

“Well that’s where you’re a little confused, Haise.” There was a trace of amusement in Arima’s tone. He sounded a little condescending, actually. “You keep calling yourself ‘Kaneki Ken’, when that is not in fact your name. Your name is Sasaki Haise.” Kaneki opened his mouth to protest and Arima cut him off sharply. “There was a raid, and there was fighting, you’re right about that. The raid is where you got injured and no one expected you to survive. Though it’s obvious that with the severe head trauma you sustained, it damaged your memory significantly.”

Well great, he’d learned nothing new from that. Kaneki frowned.

Arima lifted the half ghoul’s head, tilted his chin up to face him. Kaneki opened his eyes almost instinctively from the gesture. “You’re sure that’s all you remember?” From this close distance, Kaneki could make out some of Arima’s blurry features. The glare of his glasses concealed his eyes, but the words that had come from that gentle mouth had the slightest of warning edges to them. It was an opportunity, Kaneki realized. Arima was giving Kaneki an opportunity to tell him if he’d left anything out.

Kaneki nodded. Arima regarded him for a moment before pushing the half ghoul out of his lap so he could stand. He gave a sigh, wiping at his slacks. The floor was never the best place to sit. “I have a feeling you’re withholding something from me, Haise. But that’s okay. I’ll just have to rebuild your trust, won’t I?”

Arima’s words were idle, sounding almost disappointed and Kaneki itched. He felt cold on the floor now, the absence of another’s warmth evident to him immediately and for a second he almost blurted out the information he’d withheld, because Arima had been nothing but kind to him and pulled him back from a dangerous place and—

The words caught in his throat. What the hell? He couldn’t tell him. What was this feeling? Guilt? That was wrong. He shouldn’t feel something like that, for that investigator? The man who nearly killed him, the reason he was in this situation to begin with?

Kaneki watched the blurry shape of Arima Kishou walk to the heavy door at the other side of the room. It protested on its hinges as it was opened, and then it was closed. Arima was gone and once again Kaneki was left alone, more aware than ever of the absence of sound and the places on his body where Arima’s warmth had lingered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this story is going to be REALLY inconsistently updated, mostly because i myself am really inconsistent and rarely manage to make myself sit down and write for this. i really do want to finish it though, and the surprisingly warm reception from the short first chapter has inspired me!
> 
> just don't worry if this doesn't update for a long while, because unless i specifically say i'm abandoning this i do plan to continue!
> 
> this chapter ended up being pretty mellow but don't worry, all is not well for kaneki upcoming <3
> 
> oh yes also happy birthday ishida!! hopefully you never see this, haha...


End file.
